walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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