We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
