Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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