i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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