it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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