i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
