there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
