If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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