then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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