I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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