i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
