I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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