What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
