i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
