i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
