sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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