WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
