walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize