I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
