I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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