1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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