I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
