i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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