im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
