He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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