I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
