I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
