I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
