He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
