I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
