I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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