her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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