you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
