He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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