just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
