He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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