she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
