I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
