the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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