remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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