Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
