So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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