lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
