you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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