it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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