my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
