He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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