You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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