Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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