I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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