i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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