So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
