My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Randomize
