Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
