spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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