i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
