Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
