I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
