Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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