The maid of honor just puked.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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