In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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