So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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