My hand turned me down
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
