I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize