terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
