I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You ruined the universe
Randomize
