Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
