I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
