So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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