I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize