Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
