just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
