I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
