My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
