Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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