haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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