Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize