I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
