You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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