the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize