She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
