Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
