the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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