I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
