A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My feet surprised me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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