Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
