sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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